No thanks, hand me a pen instead!

Jasmin and Aladdin, Romeo and Juliet, Kate and Leopold, so many stories about the beauty that is love. Tales to keep one hopeful of someday finding a unique prince or princess. Magical words and visuals to encourage and seek a happily ever after bond.

*cue the dark music

Like that of the evil queen, feuding families, and jealous sisters love in reality has an array of dark magic or caveats. This magic however does not come in the form of poison apples or magic curses (well, guess it depends on who you ask) but in the form of greed, mistrust, abuse, lies, and manipulation.

Loves lost understanding

According to Oxford languages, love is defined as “an intense feeling of deep affection”. So as defined and as most are aware, love is definitely a feeling but what we actually do with those feelings is either lost or unclear.

Everyone’s idea of love is different and in a lot of cases are alternate variations of what we witnessed during childhood. It’s a cycle of “intense feelings” that lack key components to maintain a bond. Some may say wishing for a fairytale relationship is unrealistic but in my opinion, the fairytale gives a basis of what to strive for. This is not to say there aren’t flaws within love stories but what do they all have in common? Respect, honor, vulnerability, passion, and commitment. I could break this down further but let’s leave it here for now.

With an average couple and more times than none, the opposite or rather lack of the mentioned attributes exist, especially now. Sure, love can form but if both parties do not understand or make known what that means for each of them then the relationship is doomed in my opinion.

“Love is Blind”

Ever hear the phrase “love is blind”? Most would define this as one overlooking the variables in a relationship because of the feelings they have for their partners. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with having such love but problems can occur when clear boundaries, wants, and desires are not initially laid on the table. This is one thing I can say is missing from our favorite love stories; the intricacies of it all.

Love stories give a great representation visually but the details of how to establish and maintain a relationship are never presented. The finished recipe without knowledge of its ingredients. Love is blind because a lot of us skip placing our ingredients on the table to fully see if the relationship is possible for success. I raise my hand in the lack of awareness pool. We bask in the aroma of love's initial bake but we seem to overlook what was thrown in the oven;10 years later and you’re throwing out the dish and starting over.

Is anyone else hungry now? Lol

Anyway, many of us establish love through our egos and sexual drive. We are blinded by the exterior (physique, money, etc.) that we skim the interior (heart space, intentions, mindset, beliefs, etc.). The crucial talks don’t happen until well into the relationship and by this time the damage has most likely already been done. Scars are made whether intentional or unintentional and as I said the dish is ruined.

In some cases, the dish or the relationship is salvageable after counseling and deep talks but in most cases, the bitterness from the scorch is not worth it.

No thanks, hand me a pen instead

I’ve always loved romance novels, Disney stories, and fairy-tale endings. Like many little girls, I dreamed of my prince charming saving me from the evil dragon (this planet) and taking me to a faraway land (another planet, lol). However, like all childhood nostalgia, it gets a rude awakening as an adult. Dating and relationships have come to a point of financial gain, status, casual sex, desperation, and “value” (high/low-value man or woman). Genuine attraction by looks, common interests, and vibing energies are not a high standard nor seemingly natural nowadays. Authenticity is also far and few between. You meet the facade before the person. Are we that afraid to show vulnerability?

This is why I will most likely never experience love again as my current view on love may be deemed prehistoric and fantasy.

I love creating stories based on my own heart's desires. Whether deemed unrealistic or not it's still what my heart yearns for. This is not to say I want the Disney pomp and circumstance version of love, goodness no! But a dash of that mixed with the initial passion, some reality, and both of us striving for similar goals makes a hell of a love recipe in my opinion.

I believe we all want to experience the love of fairytales which is why there is a vast number of books, movies, and television shows. We have the desire for something magical and heart resonating.

Anyway, I still believe in love and have seen couples who are lucky enough to experience the beauty that love has to offer. This gives me a little bit of hope but to be honest I don’t plan to hold my breath, so fingers to keyboard it is!

Thanks for reading

--

--

--

Self-improvement and creative writer focusing on mental health, and personal growth while living the best way I know how.

Love podcasts or audiobooks? Learn on the go with our new app.

Recommended from Medium

it happened again — i couldn’t feel a thing, couldn’t move my limb.

The Three Toxic Habits That Are Killing Your Maturing Relationship

The Captains Notebook: Daily Log During Social Distancing Day 4

Poles and Perspective

Photo by <a href=”https://unsplash.com/@joelbengs?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Joel Bengs</a> on <a href=”https://unsplash.com/s/photos/pole-people?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a>

I played myself.

Best Friend

How to Love Your Neighbor: A Case Study

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
A Unicorn Word

A Unicorn Word

Self-improvement and creative writer focusing on mental health, and personal growth while living the best way I know how.

More from Medium

Who is the Charismatic Gladiator?

Then the Two Became One

The First Assignment